Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
