And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
