as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Two words: blizzard sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
