Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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