dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
