So drunk its hurt
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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