By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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