The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
