I think I died a long time ago.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
