You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
