I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
