i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
