Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think my moral compass just broke
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
