it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
