We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
