The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
