Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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