he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Semen is not good for contacts.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
