So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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