an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
