just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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