If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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