Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
