I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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