I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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