I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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