I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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