so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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