Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
id be glad to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
