Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
