Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
