May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
