You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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