I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
