Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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