I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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