I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
