Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
