I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
