It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
