i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I cut my penus on the lid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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