Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
