Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
