all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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