What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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