Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
