I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
