You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
