I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
