I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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