I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
