You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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