Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
