She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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