I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
