you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
