I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
