Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
