Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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