That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
