I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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