I should be sponsored by Trojan
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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