i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
