We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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