Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
