I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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