Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
