I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
