so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
