I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As shirtless as possible
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
